Graceful Exits

The Kittens

This picture of the kittens holds a lot of Love and energy. They were born in the garage with my husband as their mid-wife. KiKi, their mother, had been fed by us when she was a kitten. She came to “the well to drink” J She was dry looking and thin and so .. we fed her. She stayed. Next thing we knew she looked like she was gaining weight. The weight was not just from the new nourishing home and atmosphere but she was with child. Six kittens would be born. We already had four cats of varied age in the house. We thought we would take them to Pet Smart to their adoption system or find good homes. Ha! After our process of realizing we could not give them away we began to name the kittens while in they were still in the garage. In taking them to be neutered we learned that the SPCA required to keep cats inside at the time. Only KiKi was an outside cat. We were then the parents of ten cats & kittens in the house.

Today, I’m watching Bruce, the little orange kitten in the picture as he moves through the process to going back to God. On December 16, 2018, his sister, Jayellen, went before him. Jayellen is the darker tabby in the middle of the front row in the photo. We will now have only Pearl, the little black kitten in this picture. Bruce sits with me every night on my chase lounge on the heating pad. If I’m not in the room and his heating pad turns off he will come out and cry telling me his pad needs to be turned on. We do this several times and then he begins to come and get me just to sit with him. His meow became loud months ago and I realized he was deaf. He and his sister, Pearl, have been night calling. Bruce has been so loud. But when he begain his decline about 4 days ago his voice went back to his original soft meow. I thought to myself that the mystery of God withing him perhaps gave him the grace of his hearing again. Ah, the mystery.  I watch him I see his quiet acceptance even in his discomfort. I notice he continues his daily routine. He still wants his food and water in the same place even if I move it closer to him, he wants it back where it was. Pearl stays close to him and they quietly lay with heads resting near each other. Without words I can feel empathetically his love for me and that he knows my heart for him. My husband and I have done all we can to make him comfortable and to be sure that there is nothing else we could do. He is still with me nightly on our chair, with our heating pad and our love for each other. So we love and cry. I often wonder if this is my teacher for my graceful exit. As Jim Finley says, “I am not God but I am not other than God.”                                           January 29, 20

Today is Saturday, February 5, 2019 and Bruce is actually a little better. Have you ever had a pet that was interested when near you and you were using lotion or Vaseline? I've had this experience with several cats and dogs over the years. About a week ago I began to offer him Vaseline off the tip of my finger. He took his time as cats do with smelling, thinking ... and then he licked it off. He kept wanting more and almost bit it off my finger like he really needed it. Several nights he would pursue with a little ritual of communication around Vaseline time. It really helped with his issue. He's not all healed but he is not uncomfortable like he was and he is communicating and moving more freely. Noticing what he was inviting me to do was the key. I realize that empathically I kind of knew what to do and that his body energy and hints showed me.

I can't help but hope that I might have that same empathic sense with people I'm with. To see them. To hear them. To feel what little thing I can do to help them. Perhaps just a mirroring word of kindness. Or to share a similarity that will help them know they are not alone. "What's the most loving thing that I can do for this animal ... this person, at this time." ~ another James Finley jewel.